I’m sad to say our house has been invaded. Green tails. Pink tails. An occasional blue tail. With tails. No tails. Laying on the hearth. Slid under the piano. Crammed under the washing machine. These mutants aren’t from a Suzanne Collins’ Hunger Games novel. But to the right critter could incite drug-induced visions like a tracker jacker sting.
Our invasion started simple. First three. Then ten. When those thirteen disappeared, ten more arrived. Leaving just as quick, like some slacker relative who dines and dashes after sucking down the last slice of pie. Gone. Poof. Out of plain sight. We all wondered what was going on. Joe even acted like an innocent cherub. What is our nut house coming to?!
Our lurking secret, I’m embarrassed to say, is this. We are living in the midst of a shameless addict. A brazen hoarder and flagrant kleptomaniac. Yep. That cute looking little tabby gazing quizzically at you has a problem. A catnip-infused mouse obsession. And I’m his dealer.
According to the Chinese Zodiac calendar, 2020 was the year of the Rat. It all makes sense now, and why didn’t I pay attention to this last year?! 2020 was a dumpster fire filled with vermin on many levels, but we won’t go into that. SMH! Last year, while we were all sheltering-in-place for obvious reasons, I was the designated gopher. I’d scurry out to locate toilet paper and Chlorox wipes, like most of you, and drag provisions home. This included catnip-filled fuzzy mice with colorful twine tails. Joe was stuck at home too, right?!
The first mousy trio evaporated. We thought the pup was eating them. (She likes to rip their tails off.) So I upgraded to the ten-pack of “value” mice. Joe would get one or two every few days. They’d vanish. The cycle continued. But after buying two more value packs from Wally-World’s pet aisle, now totaling 33 hallucinogenic mice, I realized we (I) had a serious problem.
When the flabby-tabby isn’t in one of these positions, he’s skulking to the laundry room with a mouse in between his teeth.
On closer examination, shining a flashlight on all fours, dozens of hoarded mice appeared from underneath the washer and dryer. Their silent squeaks of liberation were deafening. Jackpot! Nest found. After swatting them out with an industrial-sized flyswatter and strong-arming the appliances, a mischief of mice had amassed. My fuzzy junkie was even audacious enough to show me a stray or two.
Today is Chinese New Year. I’m told it’s the year of the Ox. The Ox is a revered animal in Chinese and Asian cultures. It’s known to be honest, hard-working, and low-key…quite the shift from the shifty (and s#!$$y) 2020 Rat. Bring on a quiet, understated 2021!
It’s already shaping up to be a great 2021! Joe’s stash spots are revealed…the washer and dryer, the piano, the refrigerator, the bedroom dresser and side tables… My time in the vermin trade is slowing down too. Our floors are more dust-bunny free than ever!
On this 2021 Chinese New Year, I’m sharing a recipe for Southwestern Egg Rolls. You’re probably thinking, what gives? A few weeks ago, I came across a Weight Watchers recipe that screamed for some upgrading. After making several batches, much like Joe and his medicinal mice, we were hooked!
The only thing remotely Chinese about this recipe is the egg roll wrapper used to house this spicy bean and chicken delight. The filling is loaded with a plethora of southwestern spices like cumin, ancho and chili powder. I browned ground chicken to cut down on the calories, but feel free to sub with ground turkey or beef. Fresh tomato, cilantro and onion compliment the black beans and fire-roasted, diced green chilies. To finish, a simple dipping sauce of canned enchilada sauce (green or red) is mixed with sour cream. Boom! (These would also be great dipped in Insanely Quick Restaurant Style Salsa!)
If you’re like me, I had no idea how to use an egg roll wrapper at first. With some practice, you’ll be rolling all sorts of tasty edibles in them (hopefully non-drug inducing). I also included a diagram for you. But I will admit, these egg rolls do take some time to assemble. They’re completely worth it though. Unlike fried restaurant egg rolls, these are baked. Spraying them with nonstick spray before baking and turning in the process gives the allusion you’re eating fried food.
Here’s to 2021…again! May your house be free of sickness, dust-bunnies, and mice! (If you want to catch up on furry, four-legged antics, check out Ginger Thyme Lime Curd, Completely Nuts Fudge Brownie Pie, and Bacon and Cheese Dog Biscuits.)
PrintSouthwestern Egg Rolls
With southwestern spices such as cumin and ancho chile powder, this baked egg roll is a healthy appetizer for your next Happy Hour. Ground chicken and black beans provide filling protein and fiber, with fresh ingredients like tomato and cilantro. A quick enchilada dip makes this homemade finger food seem like you “dashed” it in.
- Yield: 20 Rolls: Serves 4 to 6 1x
Ingredients
1 package egg roll wrappers
1 lb. ground chicken or turkey (use 99% lean)
1 tsp. extra virgin olive oil
1/4 cup finely diced onion
1 tsp. ancho chile pepper powder
1 tsp. chili powder
1/2 tsp. ground cumin
1/2 tsp. salt (kosher, table or sea)
1/2 tsp. black pepper
1/2 tsp. cayenne
1–15 oz. can black beans, rinsed and drained
2 tbsp. cilantro, minced
1–4 oz. can diced green chiles
1 large tomato, seeded and diced*
1/2 cup canned enchilada sauce (red or green)
1/2 cup sour cream
Instructions
Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Line a baking sheet with aluminum foil. Spray foil with nonstick cooking spray. Set aside.
In a large frying pan on medium temperature, heat olive oil until shimmery. Add ground chicken and diced onion. Cook chicken until no pink remains and is crumbly. Sprinkle ancho chile pepper, chili powder, cumin, salt, black pepper and cayenne over chicken and onion mixture. Stir to evenly combine. Mix in drained and rinsed black beans, cilantro, diced green chiles, and tomato to pan. Continue to cook until no liquid remains in the pan. Mixture should be moist, but not dried out or burnt. Remove from heat.
To fill rolls, set egg roll wrappers on a clean board with a point facing upward. (The wrapper should look like a diamond.). Place about 2 tbsp. of chicken filling in the center of the egg roll wrapper, leaving about 1 to 1-1/2 inches space to point edges. Pull the bottom point up and over the filling. Fold both left and right edges tightly over the center. Continue tightly rolling egg roll up to the wrapper’s top point. To seal the roll, dab a small amount of water on the wrapper’s top point and down about 1-inch along the edges. Finish rolling.
Place egg rolls seam side down on the prepared baking sheet. Lightly spray egg rolls with nonstick cooking spray. Bake for 16-20 minutes, turning egg rolls halfway through the bake. Egg rolls should be golden brown when done. Serve with enchilada dip: whisk enchilada sauce and sour cream together until smooth.
Notes
*A 10-ounce can of diced tomatoes with green chiles (drained) can be substituted in place of the fresh tomato and canned green chiles.
IMNPB
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